The funeral is today.

I cant decide if I want to go or not.

Selfish?

Probaby!

The family is having an open casket viewing before the service. I am not able to attend that. Not because I have other committments but because I, personally, cannot do it! I am not comfortable seeing him that way. He is not going to be himself. He will not be all bent up and crooked like we all know him to be. He is not going to be laying with his head cocked backwards and his mouth hanging open. He will be straight as a board and mouth sewn shut. I cannot do it.

Selfish?

Perhaps!

The service is at 11:30. I know it is going to be hard. I know I will bawl my eyes out. There is no getting past that ... well come to think of it, perhaps a few sips or hard liquor would help. But sober, or drunk, I should attend the funeral.

Then the big bosses are treating staff to lunch. I dont think I will go to that! Something about that feels wrong in itself.

Damn funerals, I have had enough of them!